Some more realizations.

I'm getting married soon.. to the woman I love. Sure, it was much easier on my part to decide on spur of the moment to have the wedding while still in school, last January. It may have pushed us a bit in debt, but it was about damn time, I think, to be fair to Dani and myself.

My depression symptoms have gotten worse, then better. All the moving, financial stress, school stress, wedding planning, was too much for me, and I basically cracked, and have been recovering since. The doctors, back in May when I "Cracked" suggested I postpone my master's and possibly the wedding. With counselling with Kelly and other's suggestions I've decided to try to persevere despite it all. As Kelly said, that was a tough decision, even if I didn't realize it.

To be honest with myself, I have been more regretting not purusing teaching right away this September because I saw it as the "easy" and "safe" option. That's not the greatest reason to do things; it is what got me in trouble for my master's; not having a passion for it.

As teacher's and other's have said, it's probably best I pursue my career as an EE first, to see how I like it. I have just got all flustered because I haven't been very good at research, feeling useless in my master's. However, this doesn't mean I'm useless for all facets of engineering, by no means! That's just the situational and chemical imbalance depression talking. I was great at engineering some programs and handling a lot at the Powerhouse, great at labs and problem solving in school. I still have the potential.

If after a few years and jobs I decide I don't much care for the field, then I could do the teacher's college route. Teaching at St. Clair is also an option, too. Besides, it wouldn't be fiscally responsible or near impossible to do teacher's college at the moment.

Depression sucks because it makes time pass faster, regret goes up, procrastination goes up, as does sleeping, in a viscous cycle that's slow to beat. However, once I beat it all, it will all be worth it. It's made me appreciate normal life and feel closer to my friends and family, realizing they are there for me in a time of need.